


The Stargazer

by Lanfear



Series: Mass Effect 1 [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-17
Updated: 2013-06-17
Packaged: 2017-12-15 06:33:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/846412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lanfear/pseuds/Lanfear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Many years after the Reaper War, the galaxy has finally returned to a semblance of its former ebb and flow. Though the Mass Relays, as well as galactic civilization throughout the systems, underwent massive changes and adaptations the people still understand little of the events that lead up to and occurred during the War.</p><p>Throughout the saga, many agree on the presence of an enigmatic figure, known now as the Shepard, who ushered in an era of peace and stability through sacrifice, honour and bloodshed. Eventually, the presence of the Shepard was slowly relegated to a figure of myth and legend; an incorporeal hero, an ideal. Unbeknownst to most, there exists a small and isolated group of enlightened individuals who seek to preserve the truth about the Shepard and eventually to help spread the and maintain the truth of Commander Shepard and the hope that he brought to a dying galaxy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Another tale about the Shepard

**Author's Note:**

> SPOILERS ALL AROUND!!! CAREFUL, THEY'RE IN THE BUSHES!
> 
> First musings on character depth exploration after being sucked into the game and it's storyline! Hope that I didn't bollocks up anything and I welcome any feedback on my writing style as well as any interesting character interactions you'd like me to explore! Essentially, I will be writing about the development of Kaidan's and Shepard's relationship and their perspectives throughout the entire Mass Effect Trilogy. I'll try to keep it as interesting as possible to avoid repetition! I will also be exploring their relationship through the eyes of other crew members as well as the possibility of developing more depth in other character pairings, i.e. Garrus and Tali?

"...and through his actions, Commander Shepard managed to not only save the Hanar homeworld of Kahje but in time, helped them to find a place on the galactic council," finished the Stargazer with a merry twinkle in his eyes as he returned his gaze to the young child who eagerly grasped his wrinkled but firm hand throughout the story as they continued to trudge through the snows. Though he looks down endearingly at him, the child continues to stare up at the distant moon, his eyes mirroring the glimmer of reflection as it plays across the edge of the large, silvery orb hanging low across the ground's horizon. His breath comes out in short and sharp bursts and his excitement is a palpable thing, infusing the air with heat and eagerness in a silent cloud of mist.

"I'd like to see the Hanar homeworld someday," the child wonderingly mutters under his breath, his mind creating images and scenes of standing among the towering pink creatures, "I mean, it must be alright for us to go and see them in their homes and talk to them about their own stories about the Shepard." He shakes himself out of his daydreams of Blasto and the exquisite feeling of satisfaction at someday meeting the first Hanar Spectre and looks up at the Stargazer with a longing look.

"Tell me another story about the Shepard!"

The Stargazer smiles down at him and then turns his head to the omni-tool perched along the length of his other arm. "I think that it's getting quite late now and we've been talking about the Shepard for many hours already. It's getting cold my sweet and this old man would like a nice cup of tea and some time to finish some articles for our good Doctor before we head off to bed."

The child's eyes shifts in disappointment and the pleading look in his eyes is almost more than the Stargazer can bear. Suddenly, the child realizes that it _is_ starting to get colder as the night continues to pull ever tighter around them and despite the thick layers of clothing that they are both wearing, he is yearning to snuggle up close to his Liara T'Soni and Blasto huggable toys and wrap himself up in his heat-retaining comforter. As he opens his mouth to tell the Stargazer that he'd like to return home, he is interrupted by a loud and wide yawn that involuntarily escapes him and causes his eyes to tear up. As he rubs his eyes clear, the Stargazer smiles openly and lifts him up and into the crook of his elbow, holding him steady with his other hand as his tired head lolls against the older man's shoulder.

With a chuckle, the Stargazer begins to make his careful way along the path that returns to the small, white-washed building that serves as the entrance to the tiny but cozy colony that nestles on this tiny and cozy world. "Don't worry child, I'll make sure that you get one more quick story before your bedtime, so long as you brush your teeth and wash up before you clamber in," knowing that, like every other night before, the child would be sound asleep before they even cross the threshold of their home.

The spark of excitement that arises within the boy is stilled by yet another almost-stiffled yawn that is almost as large as the first one. The Stargazer's chuckle vibrates deep from within his chest and continues to emerge as they approach the entrance to the colony.

*****

 

His muscles ache softly as he reaches his large sprawling home and unlocks the door through his omni-tool while balancing the precious cargo across his chest. Slowly and carefully, he makes his way up the wide stairs up into the second level of the dwelling, along the hallway and turning into the second door across from the stairs. Gently, the lights of the room slowly rise to life and his mind settles comfortably across the images he sees as he carries his young bundle over to the child's bed.

A shelf that dominates the wall opposite the bed, filled with soft toys of every creature imaginable and holos of his favorite characters.

Several open Holo-mics, holographic comics, that are repetitively replaying the scenes of whatever pages that they are opened to.

A small aquarium in the corner next to a simple and elegant writing desk covered in drawing pads and styluses.

Tucking the already sleeping young boy into his bed, he shakes his head wonderingly at the small, curled figure as he twitches and dreams. Pulling the covers up tight around the child's neck, he goes to the shelf and takes down a Wrex fluffy toy and the Blasto huggable and gently pauses to place them together under the twitching fingers of his young charge; his heart tugs softly as he watches the still sleeping youngling grasp at his toys and pull them in softly and firmly into whatever dreams he is concocting in that adventurous, little mind of his. With a smile, he slowly walks out and waves his hand across the light sensor and dims the room, closing the door softly with just a tiny crack that lets the light from the hallway pull across the desk.

Musing to himself about youth and their eternal capacity for curiosity, he gingerly makes his way down the stairs, promising to himself that perhaps he is finally too old to be carrying such bundles of energy across any distance in this cold weather. Of course, he immediately discards the idea as ridiculous, as he had always done every night before. Looking at his omni-tool he watches as the orange glow flickers and tells him that it is only 7 hours past sunset. _Still early,_ he thinks, _on a world where the time between sunset and sunrise is at least 20 hours long_. Making a quick stop into the kitchen, he sets a pot of water to flash-boil and prepares his favourite tea. Opening a cabinet, he takes out a small bottle of amber liquid and adds a splosh, pauses, and adds a much more liberal amount again before secreting the bottle back, humming to himself as he leaves the kitchen

He tromped his way into his study, wiping his hand along the door under the stairs, and enters. He is always stunned and amazed by the sight before him, not the usual square room but one with _six_ sides. Directly across the door is a huge bay window, overlooking the frozen orchard that they had recently just arrived back from, and which nicely frames his writing desk made of rare Earth hardwoods. Procured at great expense as well. The remaining four diagonal sides are crammed with books and materials for books, from countless worlds. Many are in the form of data-pads, hundreds of thousands of words crammed into neat little cubicles in quantum cyberspace. A few, a very rare few, are bound in materials from their homeworlds. Several books made of _paper_ from Earth, a copy of Matriarch Dilinaga's original manuscript work bound together with Thessian papyrus, even a bound Turian folio made of a rare and soft pliable metal that almost never left Turian space.

Easing himself into his worn, stuffed chair with a grunt (he was getting far too old to endure the cold comfort of metal and plastic on his rump), he opened up his console interface and activates the textual processing program that has become almost an extension of himself. His desk is scattered with data-pads, pieces of paper written in human script and other textual wonders. As he waits for the program to finish actualizing, he takes a sip of his whiskey-laced tea and winces to himself. _Perhaps abit more than I intended_. He turns to retrieve a carved wooden box (metal would have been cheaper but less comforting to him) and opens it to reveal countless pictures and mini holo-vid archives nestled within. Taking another sip of his tea (it would be more appropraite to say that it tasted like whiskey with a dabbling of tea dribbled in), he turns to the screen and reads the first line he had typed in so many nights ago.

_JOHN SHEPARD AND KAIDAN ALENKO: A CHRONOLOGICAL BIOGRAPHY OF LOVE_

It was strange how odd it sounded. This was a story between the most important man in the galaxy, Shepard, and the person who Shepard saw as the most important man in the galaxy, Kaidan. And here it was, sounding like some cold little study about the mating rituals between two human males. Shaking his head in exasperation, the Stargazer takes another fortifiying sip of tea (whiskey?) and starts to imagine and discards titles.

_A love born of hope? No, no, no. Too sappy. A human love story? Dammit, I'm doing it again. The quiet sexual adventures of the first two human SPECTRES? I think I really might have added too much whiskey. Besides, it wasn't THAT quite I don't think. The love story of the Normandy? Agh! Now it sounds like a space orgy!_

Frustrated with himself and his inability to create a masterful and enrapturing title, he decides to shut down the console, call it a night and head upstairs to bed in the hopes that another night of fitful tossing and turning would create a glorious sense of realization and epiphany. He crushes the idea ruthlessly in his mind before it can form, this won't have been the first night he'd have done that and woken up to nothing more than a mind-numbing tiredness and nothing else to show for a long night of thought-churning...thoughts. _Dammit, I think the whiskey's really starting to hit me. Better stop drinking this swill and make myself some real coffee._ As he gets up off the chair, he takes one of the data-pads along with him and balances the nearly empty cup on top of it, in the hopes that it will inspire him to write something marvelous and wonderful during his very short holiday to the kitchen. After draining what's left of the tea and the tepid water in the pot, he sets it back to flash-boil and leans against the little island in the middle of the kitchen reading what he picked up.

 _Ah, I remember this. The first Normandy SR-1. When the then Lieutenant Alenko first met Commander Shepard._ He skims through the accounts from the different crew members, some of which were obscure and difficult to procure after all the damage the craft sustained in the crash on Alchera after the Collector's first devastating surprise attack. With alot of digging and lots of help from the Shadow Broker, the accounts were found, collated and sent to him in order to make some sense of it all. He knows most of the words by heart and already knows how he will string together the experiences and memories of the two protagonists, while using the writings of the other crew members to flesh out the rest of the story. It began with Shepard's entry and his first reaction to meeting Kaidan when he comes aboard as part of Anderson's crew...


	2. SSV Normandy SR-1

Lieutenant John Doe Shepard. It was quite the accomplishment considering that his life began on earth with no father or mother to speak of, running his sorry, beleaguered ass with one gang, then another as soon as he could talk his way in. His 'accomplishments' had finally caught the attention of the larger organizations and, through one betrayal or another, landed him in the infamous Tenth Street Reds as well as his first taste of real power over others around him and the freedom from moral shackles that he thought was the ultimate expression of his existence. Such things were, perhaps, never meant for the hands of a scrawny sixteen-year old kid suffering from a sense of loneliness and depression that dogged him during most of his early days, but he was nothing if not a survivor. He still remembered clearly, the reason he had left the Reds, the final straw that made him realize the sort of bastard he was turning into when he had just turned eighteen and, as a sort of coming-of-age initiation, they had made him carry a sack of explosives with strict orders to place it as stealthily as possible within the Human Council Embassies on Earth. He remembered watching all the people moving around the Embassies, workers and clerks, families and colleagues, all laughing and living, enjoying the comfortable closeness that they shared with one another. The very something that had always inflamed the gnawing sense of jealousy that was an intimate and abrupt part of his waking hours. This time though, the renegade feelings within him are eclipsed by an almost overwhelming sense of empathy and realization. He had shattered the detonator under his cheap pseudo-leather boots and ran to the closest authoratative establishment he could find, which just so happened to be the Alliance HQ attached to the Embassies, and with an almighty swing dumped the contents of his battered and dirty rucksack onto the desk of a very surprised and very speechless clerk as he poured out his story, along with the jury-rigged explosives, between brief bouts of tears, sobbing and perhaps some railing. They were probably well impressed with what they saw, this street urchin (almost more like a gutter rat in the clothes that he was in at the time) who looked no more than a child confessing to crimes that would have warranted life in a cell at the very least let alone a recommendation and a place in the Alliance Military system. He wondered if-

"Lieutenant Shepard, sir, Commander Anderson requests your immediate presence on the Command Deck" interrupted his omni-tool in a slightly distorted and tinny version of Chief Navigator Pressly. Shepard's thoughts, that had been spiralling inward deeper and deeper towards dark and depressing musings, snapped to the fore as he wrestled with his memories and shoved them tight into a tiny and obscure corner of his brain. He wished he could have locked them into said corner and thrown the key into the Sol System's white hot sun, but they always managed to find their way out and dance around his mind when he wasn't paying attention.

"Thank you Pressly. Please inform the Commander that I'll be coming up now," he spoke politely into his omni-tool. He'd only known Pressly for a few days and wanted to give him a good impression of friendliness while maintaining a sense of professionalism as a senior officer. He hoped that it would work. He cut the feed and stowed his omni-tool away by disengaging the interface and letting it fade back into its standby-mode along the length of his arm. It was the most efficient form of communication at this point as ear-pieces were seldom used outside of combat situations and tended to obscure sounds from the particular direction of the ear in which it was imbedded in, a fact which made Shepard slightly uncomfortable as his innate sense of awareness and wariness demanded that he at least try to process as much stimuli as possible. All these thoughts cluttered his brain, which was a relief considering what the previous tennants of his active mind were doing to his mood, as he climbed the stairwell up into the Command Deck. No matter how many times he rounded that slight curve, he was always slightly taken aback by the hub of activity that unfolded before him.

The curving lines of the Normandy spoke of grace and power that hummed throughout the ship and permeated it's design and superstructure. Crew members jostled by intent on their tasks, some holding onto datapads and checking calibrations and system performance values against heat emissions, comparing efficiencies and upgrading protocols. The sub-concious hum that followed their movements and conversations resonated strongly with the muted, omni-directional hum of the Tantalus Drive Core beneath his feet and sent almost imperceptible vibrations up the soles of his military-issue boots and into his powerful and muscled legs. It was a feeling of immense comfort and stability especially considering that they were beginning to move away from the port and into the cold, emptiness of space and he turned his head to catch the displayed projections of the Galaxy Map in the Combat Information Centre that sat nestled in the middle of the Command Deck. He spied Pressly co-ordinating the run from the raised platform _behind_ the Galaxy Map, an unusual affectation that nearly shouted the obvious Turian influence of the Normandy's design. His gaze naturally shifted along the curve of the room to the bays along the cockpit hallway filled with minor navigators, corporals, engineers and ensigns.

Shepard took a deep breath and closed his eyes, feeling the rightness of the Normandy, the order with which the crew maintained and ran the ship, like cells and tissues, muscles and organs, all synchronously working together for the better part of the whole, bringing into being something that was _far_ greater than the sum of its parts. _So unlike the gangs_ he mused and immediately crushed his introspection into submission while he re-opened his eyes. As his gaze swept the room briefly, he realized that Commander Anderson wasn't present and he brushed the Comm Room door with his peripheral vision and had his suspicions confirmed when he saw the telltale orange glow of a standard locking protocol in place. Since it appeared he was getting in the way of some of the crewmembers, who were casually saluting him yet looking up in shock to realize that there happened to be an obstruction along their designated working paths and couldn't comprehend stepping around him, he moved to the space just in front and slightly to the side of the the stairwell entrance with the strong intent to stand at ease until Anderson marched out that door and approached him.

Though his mission was carefully thought out and was in the process of a flawless execution, Shepard failed to count on the presence of another body already standing at ease in the _exact_ spot that he was intent on sliding towards, which resulted in his momentum not having anywhere else to go but into the poor individual who was apparently knocked onto his ass by the strength of Shepard's sidestep. With the feel of something akin to a blush, (when was the last time he had ever felt so ungainly and embarassed?), he turned with apologies tripping over his teeth and clenched lips in order to help the unforunate ensign regain his feet and position. He felt those word die without ever having had the chance to fight for Shepard's dignity as his gaze is met by the most beautiful pair of brown eyes he has ever seen.


	3. Brown Eyes

"I'm sorry there, I didn't see you standing there. Here. Against the wall. Well, you're not really against the wall but..." Shepard muttered breathlessly as he helped the young marine to his feet. His eyes had begun to catalogue the sight before him, starting with that smooth, unlined face and that hair he was sure wasn't a natural product of genetics. He felt the burn of embarassment creep further up his throat and cheeks and prayed fervently to whatever diety would listen that his words would fail to reach the beautiful curve of those ears before him. Apparently, some higher power took pity on him and managed to condemn those words to a quick and silent death as the marine stood up, without much help from Shepard he might add, and dusted himself off while turning to see whether there really was a krogan aboard the _SSV Normandy_. As the marine turned to look at him, his eyes quickly taking in the sight of Shepard's rank stitched onto his military uniform, Shepard's military training rose up from the tattered dregs of his pride and he schooled his face into one of slight professional concern, an officer who had seen his subordinate make a fool of himself and needed brotherly camaraderieship in order to wipe away the embarassment.

Nevermind that Shepard's stomach had begun to grow warmer by the second and felt like Eezo fairies were doing the tango through his gut.

"Staff Lieutentant Kaidan Alenko, sir! I... uh... I'm sorry if I was in your way, Lieutenant. I... uh... I'm really sorry and... uh... didn't mean to... just stand here. The CIC is looking pretty tight at the moment and this was the only place I could wait without being run over... sir." Kaidan was looking at a point directly over the lieutenant's shoulder as he tired to spout off his apology with as much military finesse as he could muster under the circumstances, though he felt his pitch alter slightly as he struggled to find the right words to cover his fall. As his words ran down, and the silence stretched to an uncomfortable point, his eyes shifted slightly off the bulkhead that he had been staring at, trying to catch little bits of the other lieutenant's face in order to gauge how angry the other man was. Kaidan hoped that the other man wouldn't notice the very slight and quick movement of his eyes as he begins to compile an image of the man silently standing in front of him, through the strobe like flickering of instant speed images. Crew cut hair, almost a skinhead, with a slight crescent-shaped scar along the base of where a fringe would be. Stubbled jaw, strong and rugged. Lips that looked too soft and full for a marine, especially one who was about to rip into a junior officer. A sharp nose, with even sharper cheekbones. He decided to try his luck and glanced at the man's eyes, wondering if he would see the telltale signs of suppressed anger; tight lines against the edge, a smoldering heat barely contained and downward pointing brows. Kaidan almost recoils in shock as he stares at the lieutenant's eyes. He'd once been on a short family trip to Belize with his mother and father and one of the most spectacular sights he had seen was a huge, marine sinkhole, so completely and naturally blue that he felt part of himself being sucked into it. It had terrified him slightly but in a primal and beautiful way it had also captured his appreciation and respect for it and, during the course of the holiday, he began to draw comfort in the sight and longed to have that feeling stay with him for as long as possible. That brief glimpse into the other man's eyes made him feel more than he would have thought possible and made the Belize sinkhole looked like a thimbleful of tepid water. His throat tightened and he swallowed convulsively as he wrestled with his body's reaction, trying his damned hardest to return his look back over the lieutenant's shoulder and at least maintain a shred of military dignity.

"Kaidan Alenko, I'm Lieutenant John Shepard. I'm afraid the fault was mine. I wasn't really looking where I was going and didn't see you there." Shepard spoke strongly and surely, his Commanding Officer voice, after a brief pause and some mental gymnastics in which he tried to come up with the safest way to respond to the stuttering words that Kaidan had shot out. _He's really adorable,_ Shepard thought to himself and was grateful that the Staff Lieutenant's intruigingly deep, brown eyes had hovered back over to that spot above his shoulder so that he could have free reign to appreciate the sight before him. He wondered how he could pick up a conversation with the taut, young man standing stiffly in front of him when a corner of his mind registered a shift in the backgroud, colours changing from orange to green.

His gaze shifted quickly and he went to attention as Commander David Anderson stepped out of the Comm Room, a turian with uniquely elegant white and black facial markings wrapped up in powerful-looking red and dark grey armour following closely behind, almost gliding across the floor with a deadly grace that was further emphasized by the bobbing walk that was a characteristic of their people. _He moves like a heavy-weight championship wrestler about to head in for a brawl,_ Shepard considered as his honed military instincts took over. He placed Kaidan into the back of his mind, where he settled comfortably among his thoughts, and analyzed the turian's gait and predatory gleam.

"Ah Shepard, there you are. I see you've already met Staff Lieutenant Alenko. He's a good man, a good biotic. He's got some technical specialities but not alot of field training. He'll be joining our crew and helping Joker as co-pilot during mission downtimes. Lieutenant Alenko, you were briefed on the capabilities of the Normandy and her crew before you came aboard. If you run into any trouble, come and talk to me." Anderson turned slightly in order to look at both Alliance marines while simultaneously including the turian in his field of view. "This is Nihlus, a Council SPECTRE and he's here on... classified orders from the Citadel Council." The slight pause made Shepard wonder exactly what kind of of classified orders were about to be dumped into the Normandy's, and by extention her crew's, lap. Kaidan remained standing ramrod straight and stared at nothing, his eyes occassionally shifting between the three other individuals who were having a conversation that seemed to be going over his head. Anderson picked up where he left off, turning fully again to look directly at both Shepard and Kaidan, while thoughts bubbled through the head of both his junior officers, "Despite what you might think, Nihlus is also here at my request. Not just the Council's. I expect you both to be civil to him at all times. Remember, SPECTREs are above any law save those placed upon them by the Council..."

Nihlus stood just behind Anderson's blind spot as the Commander continued speaking to Shepard and Kaidan and appeared to be slouched on an invisible railing that lent him an air of casualness. His stare, however, spoke of a vastly different story as he meticulously and determinedly dissected everything that it landed upon, including the Lieutenant and Staff Lieutenant as they listened to Anderson describe Nihlus' capabilities and history with the Commander. The turian's face mirrored that juxtaposition between his posture and (what could only be considered) his glare, and despite how it looked almost expressionless, there were small movements that seemed intense and thought out, the twitch of a face scale just over the eye. A shift of a mandible up and down ever so slightly. A shallow lowering of a jaw to expose short and very sharp teeth briefly. These were things that Shepard had begun noticing, letting a small part of his brain calculate how dangerous the turian really was while he listened to Commander Anderson and stored the conversation for later, to be reviewed in case he missed anything. _If he's a SPECTRE then he's probably plenty dangerous_ , Shepard berated himself and turned his full attention once more to conversation as Anderson winds down.

"... and for that reason, we'll be heading through the Arcturus Relay and toward Eden Prime. Any questions?" Anderson's firm and level stare is a strong indicator that he doesn't think that there should be any questions for him after such a detailed briefing, though he placed his feet apart in a slightly more relaxed stance in case some needed to be asked.

"No, sir." Shepard and Kaidan replied almost simultaneously. That little ball of Kaidan that he thought he had hidden away in the deeper recesses of his mind was beginning to stir and he could almost feel it stretching tentative fingers over parts of him that would have placed him in a very embarassing position had anyone present learned of the thoughts that he chased around in his head.

Anderson's mouth tugged ever so slightly in one corner, a twitch that could not even be considered movement, let alone a smile. "Then you're both dismissed. Lieutenant Alenko, I'd appreciate it if you went to the bridge and helped Joker with any system diagnostics as we approach the Arcturus Relay. Shepard, I'd like to have a word with you." Kaidan immediately saluted the Commander and almost stiffly marched past the Galaxy Map and over to the cock pit, knowing full well how touchy pilots could be about their vessels. Even with his rank thrown in, Kaidan lacked any specific military advantage in the situation, considering that Joker was a Flight Lieutenant embedded in his element, biotically strapping his wrists to the chair not withstanding. For a brief second, Shepard's eyes tracked the Lieutenant as he marched to the fore and lingered over Kaidan's back and defined arms. He gained a momentary glance of a butt muscle tightening as the Lieutenant took a step up onto the cockpit hallway and Shepard desperately considered using his omni-tool to snap a picture. The sound of a throat being cleared immediately whips his vision in a blurry motion straight back to Anderson and Nihlus, who had apparently taken the opportunity to withdraw back into the Comm Room.

"So Shepard, what do you think of the latest addition to the Normandy? And drop that stoic act with me, you don't need to pretend I'm your prom date's father." Anderson's face changed as his smile grew slightly wider and more welcoming. Shepard wondered deep down whether his closeness to Anderson was due in part to the fact that the man was almost like a father figure to him and he smiled slowly while he let his body relax from its previous stiffness.

"I'm not sure, sir. Were you referring to Lieutenant Alenko or Nihlus?" Shepard asked with a smile.

"Don't play coy with me Shepard, you know as well as I do that Nihlus is here temporarily. What he's here to do is above our standard classification levels and so long as you don't get in his way, he wont step on your ass as he walks out the air lock" The humour in Anderson's voice grew stronger as he relaxed more into the patterns that he so often adopted when he was speaking to Shepard alone.

Shepard's thoughts turned inward as he analyzed all the information he had about Kaidan during his very brief encounter. "He seemed capable enough sir, probably a little green around the edges and he's excited to join the Normandy from what I saw. I'm sure he'll fit right in with the rest of the crew if he can stop using his military rank and training as a shield".

Anderson's laughter exited his mouth like a shuttle and ended as abruptly as the same shuttle's bay doors closing. "Damn right you are Shepard, but hell that's what I'd have said about you the first time you came aboard the Normandy. Didn't think you'd ever go past looking at the other crewmen in the face let alone becoming so damned friendly with the lot of them after such a short stay. Hell, I'd wager that the Lieutenant will be able to make more friends than you, in less the time!"

Shepard turned towards the cockpit but couldn't see any sign of Kaidan from his vantage. His thoughts started to slow down and churn more contemplatively as he recalled something that he'd seen in the Lieutenant's warm, brown eyes. Coldness. Pain. Suffering and neglect. A past and a story.

He turned again to Anderson and this time, a smile doesn't grace his face as he half-heartedly agreed. "I'm sure you're right sir. I guess he'll do well enough on the Normandy."

Anderson's eyebrow twitched ever so slightly at the lack of a witty and ribbing response from Shepard but he placed his thoughts aside and came back to his professional military form, like slipping into an old and comfortable jacket, "Well Shepard, you're in charge of him now. He'll be going with you to recon Eden Prime. Standard Three Formation for recon teams. I'll want a tactical analysis of his competence after the mission is over and your recommendations as to how suited he'll be. If you can find a suitable spot for him on our team, technical or biotic expertise to the front, even better."

Shepard remained only partially aware of Anderson's request as he shifted and flipped the insight he had recognized about Staff Lieutenant Alenko. Dark thoughts that lurked and stalked him. Something else, something more. Of course, he'd needed every member of his team fighting fit, with no distractions, and it would be his duty to approach Kaidan and see if he needed to have a weight taken off his chest or mind. A strong, fierce and confusing desire to protect and care about the stuttering young officer began to take seed in Shepard's heart, growing gentle roots deeper and deeper into his consideration of one Kaidan Alenko. "Yes sir, I wont disappoint you sir." Shepard replied, though with a little less of his usual commanding tone and military efficiency. Shepard's emotional state had confused him, making him unsure as to whether his concern for Kaidan was merely that of a senior officer and his subordinate, or something much more complex.

"Very well, Shepard." Anderson interrupted with a dismissal, knowing that when Shepard got that look in his eyes, he was thinking about his past or at least contemplating something of great magnitude. "We'll be approaching the relay in just a few more moments at this speed. I'd recommend you head down to quarters and get your armour on. With a mission like this, going in almost blind, I'd like to think you'd want to be fully covered Shepard. Dismissed."

Without waiting for Shepard's salute, Anderson turned and walked back through the Comm Room doors to join Nihlus in getting everything ready for Eden Prime.

Shepard snaps out of his brooding just as the Comm Room door slides shut with a hiss and barely had time to stop himself from saluting the empty air around him with a snapped off salutation. He glanced around and with a deep breath, let's out a quiet sigh as he about-faced and trudged down the stairwell to his quarters to gear up for the mission. His footfalls sounded heavy on the metal platform and he wondered if his thoughts had weighed down more than just what was floating around in his head.

He made a left at the bottom of the stairs and went slowly past the thick shaft of the elevator that seemed to clog up the middle of the crew deck. As he approached his personal locker to begin removing the parts of his armour that he would need to pull on, as well as the standard issue M-7 Lancer, he heard the sound of the medical bay doors opening and overheard Doctor Chakwas as she spoke to someone over her omni-tool.

"-yes Commander. Yes. I have all the details you asked for concerning the L2 biotic implants and the list of potential side-effects. Yes, sir..." Her voice faded away as she walked quickly and efficiently up toward the Command Deck. _Probably going to see Anderson about something_ , Shepard thought to himself as he gathered up his gear and headed over to the personal rooms that the marines had for putting on and removing armour. Not really an armoury and definately not a fitting room as the term was understood. As he stepped in, he felt the drier and cooler air wrap itself around him and he took deep, controlled breaths to avoid the drier air from aggravating his lungs in a fit of dry coughing. He mechanically stripped himself of his military uniform and methodically folded the pieces and placed them on the bench, to be brought back and kept in his locker once he had donned his armour. The very slim mirror to his side reflected his powerful legs and well-turned calves as he bent over to pull on the nano-fibre, mircofilament undergarment that was always worn under the armour.

 _L2 implant? And something to do with biotics? Anderson mentioned that Lieutenant Kaidan's a biotic,_ Shepard continually pulled at the tangled knot of information that rolled around in his brain. He instinctively glanced at his crotch as he pulled the flimsy, black material up and over to his narrow waist and hips. He glimpsed a heavy set of balls and a slightly thick cock that was turned slightly to the side, the head bigger than the base of the shaft. Trimmed hairs that were neat and comfortable without causing any itchy sensations as they rubbed against the tight-fitting haptically sensitive material. The foreskin that rested halfway over the tip of the cock head was the last thing he registered as he snapped the material over the faint line of hair that lead from his crotch up to just under his tight bellybutton and well-defined stomach. He turned quickly to make sure that it rested comfortably across the back and looked at his ass in the mirror. _At least I can't see all of my ass in this tiny sliver of glass. Now that would be embarassing,_ he mused. Suddenly, an image of Kaidan moving slowly up the steps to speak to Joker appeared unbidden in his mind, he watched the way the tight and thick swell of muscle rose up and threatened to pop right out of those military pants. He wondered how they would feel against his hand, soft and yielding like warm, fresh bread but firm and strong as he would squeeze harder.

 _Dammit John! You're turning into a damned perv if you keep going down that road! Give the man time to adjust to the ship and crew at least!_ Shepard continued to thrash himself mentally despite his groin growing heavier and thicker, as it swelled in response appreciatively to the images that he had just unwittingly fed to it. He stood up now, all business and quickly snapped on his greaves, boots and the rest of the armour that covered his lower body. He fitted the groin plate snuggly (perhaps a little too snuggly if that damned swell refused to go down) and pulled on his chestplate, arm guards, shoulder pauldrons and tactile gloves. Just as the last saftey strap clicked into place, a metallic, yet clear voice that always seemed to have sarcastic undertones rang sharply though every part of the Normandy.

"Commander Anderson, this is Joker here. We're approaching the Mass Relay in five minutes."

Anderson's loud and clear voice responded immediately through the same channels. "Very good Mr. Moreau. SPECTRE Nihlus will be there presently to oversee our progress through the Arcturus Relay. All crew, brace yourselves for entry into Mass Relay and all hands prepare for jump. Anderson out."

Shepard realized that as Executive Officer, he should have been in the cockpit as well. Or at the very least, somewhere near the bridge. All thoughts of Kaidan fled his mind as his military training asserted itself and his calm, cool centre returned and solidified around his stomach. The feeling spread out across his body and his frame and he triggered the last actualization protocol of his armour that would synergize it with the under suit's haptic response feeds as well as begin monitoring procedures of his shield and vital signs. When he felt the system become fully operational, he strapped on his grenade and medi-gel pouch, grabbed his discarded clothing in one arm and the Lancer in the other. He stepped out and nearly ran to his locker to dump everything inside and slammed the door back with a bang that almost makes him cringe at the thought of Joker discovering even this little bit of abuse against his beloved Normandy. He wondered how Kaidan had fared alongside that controlling, sarky little man and allowed his mouth to tug upwards in a brief smile. As he strapped his helmet to his hip, he turned and closed his eyes for a second, feeling the Normandy through his armour. As he opened the clear, blue pools of his eyes, he walked toward the stairwell and emerged out into the CIC just as Joker's voice broke through the shipwide comm network.

"The Arcturus Prime Relay is in range. Initiating transmission sequence."

*****

The Stargazer ends the entry with a smile. He always thought that Joker was amazing and his big-headed self confidence was certainly well-deserved after all the things that he had done for Normandy and her crew over the years. He stares awhile longer at the datapad in his hand and the smile continues to tug across his mouth as he goes over the way that Shepard had first responded to Kaidan and, he had to admit, the balls that it took to write something down about such an experience without the fear of someone hacking his private server and commandeering all those embarassing tid-bits of information. That, or finding the datapad that it was written on and sneaking it away for a good laugh and read.

He turns to the flash-boil pot that he had set up to brew a fresh cup of coffee and is surprised to see that the water has already gone down to just above room temperature. _Damn, I couldn't have been sitting here reading this that long, did I?_

He empties the pot into the disposal unit again, (he had read somewhere that re-boiling water that had already been boiled wasn't very good for you even in this day and age), and sets the pot with half its full capacity of water back into the powered base on the top of the counter, just to the side of the sink. He presses down against the switch and hears the water immediately broil and frolick within the pot. Carefully preparing himself a rather large cup of premium roast (at least as premium as can be with the limited number of supplies that this colony receives), he stirs in a small amount of sugar and carries the cup and datapad carefully back to his sanctuary under the stairs. As he approaches the writing table with the interface still beeping up at him, he sets that mug down and, with one glance at the datapad in his hand, places it carefully in a corner of the table. He picks up another datapad that highlights itself under the title _CITADEL/NOVERIA_ and he smiles as he takes a sip of the already cooling coffee, that carries a hint of sweetness onto his tongue, and continues to read.

 


End file.
